Saturday, 31 August 2019

Home, Memories and Love, Intertwined

Last Saturday was my last day renting the flat-share that I have spoken about at times. To be honest, I am relieved that that part of my life is over, because it is exhausting for an empath like me to share a space with those that are not in my personal life. There are also multiple problems that come about with sharing a space with strangers, but that is a post for another day. Below I am sharing something extremely personal but that I have no qualms about letting out into the world. Because if we LOVE, why shouldn't we say? The news is full of hatred, war, greed. Of bad news. For some reason people don't share the good news do they? Don't admit to being happy, do they? Don't even SEE the happiness and gratitude that's smacking them right in the face. So from now on, Love is not personal. Not the unconditional kind anyway. So here goes, my real deep feelings about parting with the room that's been 'home' for almost a year:

It’s my last day at the flatshare and I have bittersweet feelings about it.

I once wrote a positive blog post about sharing your home with ‘strangers’ and how it helps not only the environment but also with being able to interact with people even whilst living seemingly alone.

Unfortunately however there was much more bad than good to the sharing side, in both flat-shares I rented. I have met needy people who try to butt in for attention, characters I have nothing in common with or that actually cause a bad energy exchange (empaths ‘feel’ other people so they can’t brush this off) and was even harassed multiple times and had my privacy invaded in a bad way by a particular male flatmate.

However this flat was my home since mid October of last year and in the confines of my room with ensuite, if I closed the door to the rest of it, I had found my haven. The first time I walked in there, I walked into a stark room with very basic furniture that lacked any kind of character and left the huge room looking quite empty. There was only a vertical blind on the window onto one of Malta’s busiest streets so that there was not enough darkness except late at night. When I asked the landlord for proper curtains, he proceeded to fix a torn old bedsheet folded in two onto the wall with nails. It made it darker but still not enough, and proceeded to make the room dingier.

And yet I turned that room into a cosy home space that I could have friends over to. A turquoise Indian Spiritual style hanging covered the torn makeshift ‘curtain’ providing not only the darkness I needed for sleep or meditation but also giving me a beautiful focal point for the room.

I added an ottoman for storage under the window and an extra desk to put my dishware on, that served also to hold my laptop right in front of the bed, which served also as my sofa, whenever a friend was over for a movie night. I bought multiple pieces of loose furniture that I could easily incorporate in my new flat and they graced the otherwise drab surroundings, filling the place with colour and texture and making it look less sparse. I put black lace-design plastic containers under the new desk and they housed my preserves and drinks, for lack of comfy cupboard space in the shared kitchen.

However, the real reason I will miss this place are the memories I made and the peace I found the times I managed to shut the rest of it out. I filled the winter with candles and intention, my drawer with magic crystals that I grew to love as much as they love me, and even powerful vivid memories.

That room holds episodes of all kinds from what was possibly the best year of my life. The funny events like warning my twin flame not to get the bed messy with Chinese food (when using chopsticks for the first time) and him still letting the chopsticks fall!; the relaxed, which includes eating fried chicken in bed for breakfast; the best New Year’s Eve celebration to date; a date with a guy I’d been dreaming about for months; snippets from a new relationship that went from ‘ok’ to a disastrous breakup in minutes. Yep, I broke up with someone in that room too!

That room even holds the tainted memory of preparing for a fateful trip last April. A trip that was to teach me something beyond what any school, parent, religion, or other life experience can teach you. A trip I had envisaged for a year, never knowing it would be the beginning of the end, or rather the end of the beginning. The end of the chase, of push and pull energy to get to the love that could only be found inside myself at the end of it.

I have gone on long enough with this entry and turned way personal too. I grew up in an environment where I felt it was taboo to talk about feelings. But now I don’t care any more who knows about how I feel about things. After all, they are MY feelings aren’t they? No one else should be able to take them away from me or convince me to change them. And if anyone doesn’t like the way I am, I am strong enough and have enough self love to smile and let them go (the person not my feelings!)

So I say goodbye to this room, but not to the amazing memories I made in it, to the Love and good energy I filled it up with over the months and after all, the room is gone, but the people close to my heart still remain <3

The turquoise backdrop and I :-)
Curious about my tattoo? Read What is a Twin Flame?

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