Chance Meetings and The People In Our Lives

Over the past twenty months since I split with my ex husband, I met a lot of new people, mostly but not solely online. Some turned into friends, others dates or boyfriends, others still faded into oblivion. Those who did fade into oblivion were mostly people I found nothing in common with or who were themselves uninterested in more than a preliminary chat, else others who were outright rude or worse. Of the rest, I have to say most remain friends to date and it surprised even myself to see that some of the people who’ve been there for me through the tougher times were actually among those I met on the net.

It was no new thing to me to find that I get along better with the men rather than women. Somehow it has always been the case so I do not even question the why of that any more. The point here, rather, is how some of those previously random profiles on dating and friend-making apps became influencers in the big scheme of my life.

There is this joke about how some people give us joy by being in our lives and others by leaving it. I prefer to focus on the ones that bring the good. It would be not only too lengthy but also too personal to get into what each new person brought into my by now overflowing life so instead I wanted to make this a more general post about how yeah, even in the unlikeliest places and circumstances, sometimes we meet people that add amazing value to our lives.

Why am I even pointing this out? I tend to plan things. In fact I plan everything in my life. That includes having preconceptions about how well or not a new person would fit in my life. I have to admit I made a couple of mistakes there that fortunately were fixed by what others would call Fate but I prefer to call the Universe’s intervention.

I chatted to one person for over two months before finally ‘making the time’ to meet and now I find myself thinking of this person as one of my closest friends and confidants. I brushed off another man time and again, denying his accusations that I wasn’t really wanting to meet at all. In the end we bumped into each other quite by chance as I walked into an elevator and him out of it. The result? He gave me one of the biggest gifts that anyone ever did: the gift of looking at the world from a new angle that did wonders for my life. This person actually introduced me to The Secret, a book I had heard about before, from both a person who believed in it and another that did not. Neither of them actually gave me the feeling that I should make it a part of my life. What can I say? This person radiated The Secret himself maybe? After all, the Universe moved him from another country to give me that good news.

I now look at every person as a gift, whether it is one that they give else one they make me work on. Yeah, in line with The Secret’s advice to always give love, I look at the difficult people as giving me practice in patience. There is always good to be found.

Hope and Faith, Want and Will

Hope is a good friend and a cruel master I used to say again and again. For around one year I toyed with the idea of whether it is better to hope or not, does it help or hinder, cause happiness else more grief in life. I once wrote an article about this dilemma, which you may read here: http://vintagehew.blogspot.com/2018/06/hope-blessing-or-curse.html

Nowadays I realise that the reason why Hope doesn't really work is because Hope in itself seems to indicate the possibility of something NOT happening. Else why 'Hope' for a good outcome? I found that in the long run, Faith works much better than Hope, for it is definite, it assumes a positive outcome, in its very definition. In fact the dictionary explains Faith as a Confidence and a Belief in something, whilst Hope signifies a Maybe.

This same logic applies to our use of Want and Will in our lives. We usually want so so many things to happen, both tangible and intangible. And yet Wanting alone will get us nowhere. For Want again seems to signify Hope, Desire, a Wish yet without the Belief that it will be. That is why using Will instead is so much more powerful. Why not Will things into your life rather than just Want them? The mind after all is a powerful tool, so changing our mindset is the first step to Believing, Achieving, Receiving, all the goodness we could possibly have in life.

So instead of hoping for things to turn out well, have faith that they will. Can you see the difference here in the mindset? What a more wonderfully positive thing it is to have faith that it will all work out rather than just hope it will! What an amazing opportunity it is for us to will our lives to be better, happier, more successful (by this I don't mean only monetary success or fame) rather than just want it to be! So believe in what you want to achieve and receive or rather, believe that you will achieve and receive.

Love the environment, one pencil at a time!

Ever since I was growing up there's been this awareness campaign about how we are cutting down too many trees. One of the reasons is that, especially back then, we were using up (as well as sometimes outright wasting) too much paper. I won't say we are now totally paperless but the world has come a long way since then in promoting ebooks over books, email over mail, even almost paperless offices.

One item I did use growing up that remains even now so freely available and as widely in use and that also comes from trees is the pencil. Sometimes we do need to be practical and use things after all even when they come from sources that we are trying to protect. Which is why Agara Foundation's ingenious idea of a pencil that gives back to the environment is awesome and effective all at once. Not only will it not go to waste once we are done with it, it will also enhance our environment and maybe even help children try to take care of their pencil a little more and break less of them in a year (wishful thinking?). May I also hope it entices my son to write more in order to get to the bottom of it quicker?

For this pencil can be planted once we're done with it. Inside the back end of the pencil, rather than the traditional rubber, is a capsule with herb or vegetable seeds that may be easily planted by budding young writers/gardeners alike. So what are you waiting for? Let's all get down to writing and gardening.

Pencils cost EUR0.80 each and may be bought through Agara Foundation by phoning 79005037 or 79809911

Be sure to check out Agara Foundation's Facebook page for more info about this awesome organisation: https://www.facebook.com/AgaraFoundation/

Love Yourself First

There are a hundred and one love songs and a hundred others about lost love. Actually, multiply those figures by some other big number in order to cover just how many songs have been spun around the topic.

I believe in Love. Truly, I do. It fills my days, nights, thoughts and is amazing and necessary to a healthy happy life. Love comes in all forms, as Rockabye (Clean Bandit), The Perfect Fan (Backstreet Boys), Papa Don’t Preach (Madonna) and so many other songs show. In fact, the Greeks explained it best when they broke down the different types of love to more accurately describe them. We have all experienced Philia love, hopefully feel an Agape love for those close to us, and might thrive on a wonderful relationship with a partner that embodies all three kinds, including Eros.

Why am I saying all this? I am no stranger to love and I would never say it is unimportant. However somehow all these love songs irritate me. Just like I once pointed out that gift-giving is not a true indicator of the greatness of the love of a parent for their child, so I must now comment on the absurdity of lyrics that proudly advocate that without that other person we are nothing.

We are ourselves and no one else. Love is important, love fills us with happiness and definitely sharing life with our perfect partner gives a satisfaction that can’t be described or quantified. However we should be whole in ourselves and let Love come as a compliment to our Wholeness rather than let it be a requirement for us to become whole.

A friend of mine tried to tell me this over and over for months on end. I denied ‘needing’ love, I tried to disilllusion myself and him that I was fine without, that I only wanted to meet my ‘match’ to thrive. A keyword that. THRIVE. Even as I tried (and probably failed) to convince him I was fine, I told myself how wrong he was and how I knew so much more than him about love.

It turned out not. When after a tumultuous year and a legal marital separation I moved out to live on my own for the first time ever, I finally found myself. Slowly, piece by piece, I put it all back together as I learnt to accept to forgive myself for my past mistakes, allow myself to be vulnerable and meet new people who seemed like they would be good for me (and actually were!) and slowly flowered from a wreck that needed herbal calming pills to sleep or at times even to face workmates and my mother, to someone who is sure of herself and Whole within herself. More than ‘Need’, now it is a ‘Want’ for love that I have, and then only with my perfect partner. I stopped clutching at straws. I have stopped looking at people with ‘tinted glasses’ as someone pointed out to me more than once. I know who I am, I know what I want, and I am happy in myself. Love is wonderful yes, gives joy and all things amazing too when it is the ‘right’ kind of love for us. And yet Love is so perfectly delicious only if we are already in love with ourselves first. I have finally learnt that my friend.