Sunday, 2 July 2017

The New Version of Me

Last night I had the first good long night's sleep in months. I was knocked out for over nine hours, which didn't stop me feeling sleepy again this afternoon and taking a siesta whilst my mother minded my little boy.

Why am I saying this? Not only because it explains my never-ending tiredness and therefore why I totally forgot all about the days passing by and when was my next article due as well as the next blog post, but also because there is a reason for my uneasy sleep of late.

I say time and again that I do not discuss my personal life on the blog and I stick by that rule. However when something becomes an official accepted fact, it becomes naturally something I feel allowed to share without really letting anyone in on any secret. So after some months, I think it is time to advise that I am currently single again, for the first time in eighteen years.

Whether this news comes as a shock or no depends on the person reading it, how well or no they know me, and their perception of relationships in general. I have no intention of going into any of the reasons why it happened or my background. Rather, I think it was high time to divulge the news as explanation to my erratic posts. Truly, it feels like my whole world has not ended exactly, but begun again in a different way, something which I was not exactly prepared for.

It is a status that came with consequences attached, which included said lack of sleep and a never-ending stream of new things to see to. Our previously one united unit has turned into two new ones that are still in their newborn year. So as I come to terms with coming up with edible meals and ensuring my budget helps my pay last through the month, as well as my new work timetable, I also find myself constantly questioning the reasons why. For a Romantic, the end of a marriage is hard to digest yet that very trait explains the why of a long-term relationship after all.

There are many things that single life has taught me in these short months and I think the best one of all is that it has made me less afraid of facing anything that comes my way. I can handle driving an unknown road (though I still don't especially like to) and I believe in myself in a way I never have since my teenage years. I have learnt that compliments can hide bad intentions and that people will lie if they can get away with it. Above all I have learnt the value of a good friendship, even coming from an unlikely source.

And so I end this shortish post with hope rather than pain, looking to the future rather than the past, and hoping to make of life the best that it can be.

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