Friday, 30 December 2016

Resolutions for a lifetime

We are bidding 2016 farewell very soon and I cannot help but feel relieved, given it has been one of the toughest years I've been through in my adult life (admittedly not the toughest but still one of). That said, it was not all bad and it could have been worse too so I will not dwell on it so much but instead look to the future and will it to be brighter.

Now I don't usually make resolutions as such, partly because I don't believe one should necessarily wait for a new year to fix any problem areas and also because I hate breaking promises I make to myself and truly, if something requires a resolution to get out of/break off from, then in all probability it is a promise doomed to fail from the first.

However this time I am going to make some resolutions that I have no intention of breaking and the only reason why I am making them now that the new year is coming is not due to any feelings of starting over but coincidentally due to that this has been a week of reflection for me totally unrelated to that we are ending the year.

One resolution I must make and keep is to lead a healthier life. Time and again I forget to take my vitamins, forego exercising my still recovering knee and neglect myself for lack of time, that four-lettered word that sounds so foul when it ruins your chances of ever catching up. I find my nails breaking from not putting on the nail thickener that's indispensable to my otherwise sharp and splitting nails and my face itching after being in the sun when I continually forget to put on moisturiser. The list is embarrassing and endless and I vow I will at least try to take better care of myself.

However, there is an even more important resolution I must make this year. Lately I have come to realise that as time goes by and I get older I am not only getting proverbially wiser but also coming face to face with situations I would never have thought of happening before. Unfortunately I am talking more about bad situations than good and each time something comes up my mind flashes back to a particular day in my first year at Sixth Form when a fellow student of English said his dad had warned him about something that would invariably happen in adult life. This something was that as an adult, this father had found himself looking around at negative situations that happened to those he'd once sat in class with as a teenager, causing him to reflect on how unfair and also unplanned our life as adults would become. That thought haunts me even sixteen years on.

It also makes me more determined to live the life I really would like and with the presence of those people I truly care about. I know I should find the time to sit and cuddle my son every day and hear him out, as every day that passes will never come back and on the morrow he is always a day older rather than the same age. I should also make time for my husband and the rest of my family, as well as dear friends.

That word 'friends' is to me charged with meaning. I was never the type to make a lot of friends and found it difficult to have any friends at all when I was young. Even as I got older, friendships that were born out of situations rather than an understanding of the soul never lasted through the years. I would think I found a special friend and then time and distance would separate us till in some instances there was nothing left but mere acquaintance as adults. This is why I mentioned 'dear friends' in the same line as my family. Life has taught me that the friends who never let you go, and who you never want to let go of, are the ones who are friends because they mean it. I know I can rely on those few people in the good times and the bad. I know they'll be the ones who share good news with me as soon as they can, and who show support by showing up when no one else will. They're the ones who feel confident enough in my presence to be themselves and let me be so too. I cannot make anyone have a friendly relationship with me unless they want to, but I know I can always be there for those of them who I feel are true.

So my most important resolution for the coming year is to make time and space, not for more things or plans or career or anything else, as much as for those splendid beings who deserve my love and care and support. So you see, for once I have a resolution I cannot give up on.

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