Monday, 21 September 2015

Somewhat Happy

You might remember my rant from a few weeks ago where I said I would be more mindful about doing what makes me happy, even at the expense of other things (

Well, I did start sleeping enough at first, though lately I've noticed myself slipping back into the old ways. Thing is, I fell and ended up with my wrist in a cast for a while so lots of things remained undone for a few days and then it all heaped up so in the end I couldn't leave things as they were any longer, once again at the expense of sleep-time. I must admit also to there having been another, personal reason too, which I won't go into. But I plan on recuperating back my habit of sleeping enough as soon as I can.

Meanwhile I have been reevaluating whether I am truly happier than before (am starting now to sound very much like Gretchen Rubin, author of the Happiness books!!). Truth be told, I am not sure. I do feel happier, though I can't exactly pinpoint whether that's totally from the fact that I've once again started dreaming of all the things I want to eventually do up else change in our home and that always gives me a thrill, even when I think of stuff that costs thousands and will only get changed years from now.

One clear indicator that I must be at least somewhat happier is that my OCD has gotten better. Here I must explain - the type of OCD I have is the kind where I keep checking and rechecking things. Every evening as part of my bedtime routine, I check that everything is switched off and locked and the same counts for when I'm going out of the house. Part of it stems from realistic problems that could happen that I worry about, another (ensuring that the cooker knobs are all turned off) comes from a previous gas accident I've been in and that will haunt me to my dying day. Anyways, back to the present, the more stressed out I am the worse my OCD becomes. So whereas on a happy day I will tell my mind not to go through the nightly switching off routine over and over because I do know everything's been switched off, on more iffy days I find myself going back to the same locations to see with my own eyes again, even ten times in a row, that everything is switched to the off position and that windows and doors are safely locked.

So all in all I can assume that my happiness project is working, despite maybe in weird ways. But then again, who's normal?

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